I knew a beautiful young woman who used to suffer from painful feelings of not being good enough. She could easily recall many instances of being rejected, betrayed, and deeply wounded by many different people she trusted over the course of her entire life.
Despite all of this, she wanted to have a boyfriend more than anything in the world – someone who would accept her for who she was, faults and all. Eventually she met someone whose company she really enjoyed.
After a few dates her insecurities got the best of her, and she started calling and texting him all of the time. She was afraid that he was losing interest. She became jealous and possessive. She was absolutely certain that he was pursuing other women. When she confronted him about her suspicions, he allowed her to go through his call logs, texts, e-mails, and social media accounts until she was satisfied. He assured her that he was only interested in her and shared that he was actually falling in love with her.
Despite his unexpected disclosure, she continued with her emotionally needy ways and questioned his fidelity and the depth of his feelings for her on a regular basis. One day when she was feeling even more insecure than normal, she grilled him about how he could love her given all of her hang-ups.
On his knees and with tears in his eyes, he confessed, “I am so in love with you. I am so happy being with you, and I am giving my heart to you completely. I want you to be happy more than anything, and there is nothing that will ever make me to stop loving you.”
She broke up with him immediately and screamed, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t accept me as I am!!!”
Secrets of the Story
This story is a reflection on how traumatized we are as human beings. Living a human life at this time is quite traumatic for most people, even if they are not consciously aware of it. Most of us have been so wounded and hurt in our experience of life that we have these huge defense systems that we have set up to protect ourselves from experiencing the same kinds of slings and arrows we have suffered before.
Another effect of trauma is that we often internalize our traumatic experiences in such a way that we interpret them as having a relationship to who we really. In other words many trauma survivors interpret their experiences to mean that there is something inherently wrong with them instead of interpreting those experiences to mean that there is something really, really wrong with the fabricated world that humanity has created out of its collective soul-sickness.
In this story the beautiful young woman cannot accept her boyfriend’s (God’s) love because she has bought into the false idea that she must change in order to be loved. God’s Love is truly unconditional. It comes regardless of any human concepts related to worthiness or goodness. It simply comes in response to a soul’s heartfelt desire to receive it. That’s it. The greatest miracle is that in receiving this love our defenses are dissolved and we are empowered to give unconditional love freely to others as well.
PS: God is totally and completely in love with you, and wants you to be happy more than anything, and there is nothing you can ever do that will cause God to stop loving you!
It sounds like the title applies to both the characters… “Baby don’t hurt Me”. It is also interesting to read your thoughts and commentary. Great job!
Though not exact to a ‘T’, I lived a somewhat similar scenario in my actual life. It wasn’t known until a year or so into our marriage of just how jealous and controlling the mate was. It was a very large part of dismantling a marriage of love. The erosion continued for over 40 years until an estrangement which still lingers…
Thank you for your willingness to share more of your story, Brooke. I have just added a commentary (Secrets of the Story) to this post and all of my previous posts to provide a bit of my perspective on the stories. You’re experience sounds so much like the Creator’s experience of loving humanity. God is so in love with each and every individual soul, and yet most of those souls actually push God’s Love away because of fear, doubt, pain, and cynicism. We have been so wounded by other people and wounded others out of our own woundedness that we have a hard time trusting God to actually provide for us, care for us, and love us with a Love that never ever ever fails. I believe your experience is a deeply personal reflection of God’s experience with humanity and provides you with unique insight into the heart of God as God continues to pour unconditional Love out to every soul in abundance, waiting patiently for each soul to awaken to it. While this Wake-Up Call for the Soul blog is quite new, God has been showering humanity with wake-up calls for their souls for over 2000 years now and isn’t going to stop anytime soon! Blessings Dearly Beloved Brother!